Five years ago, my sister was there when I gave birth to my daughter. I told her from that point on that she owed me a birth. So, she finally paid up and I got to watch my nephew come into the world. I have two books that need to be written, a house full of neighborhood kids and two new foster puppies that need to eat. Since I also needed to make a blog post, I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone. Lots of twos in that sentence…
Dear my strong stubborn beautiful smart baby sister,
As you know, I didn’t watch Stoli (my daughter for those of you who don’t know her name) make her debut. I has too busy pushing and scrunching my eyes closed so I didn’t see my vagina explode. Remember that? They had to stitch me back together. Anyway, that was what I was gearing up for when they told you it was time to push. I was nervous and scared and excited. There was no blood or gore though. Watching my nephew being born was very calm and clean. I’m not saying I felt slighted or anything. I’m glad you’re not currently being held together with thread… You were a rock star and Aaron (her husband) was kind of cracking me up. I will never forget him highfiving you after the baby was born. I cried, just as much as I did when I met Stoli for the first time. I was in complete and total awe. And the awesomeness only continued.
I know I was kind of an asshole after Stoli was born. I was cranky and exhausted and very unsure of any and everything. Not you though. You took to motherhood like you were born for it. Seriously, I was so proud of you. Proud of you and also slightly scared of you. You’ve never been afraid to speak your mind or be vocal about what you need. I’ve always admired that. I was also a little jealous. You’re my baby sister, and I wanted to lock you me and the new little man in a room. I didn’t want to share y’all. I mean, Aaron could have come visit but everyone else could go fly a kite.
When Stoli came up to meet the baby and was instantly obsessed, you simply smiled with tears in your eyes. When she sang to him, over and over, you encouraged her. You were so patient when you let her help you feed him. Where I would have gotten flustered, you were nothing but calm and kind. Stoli loves you so much. She adores you. And you made sure to treat her the way you always do, giving her affection and attention even though you had a thousand other things on your mind. Where I would have been terrified to leave my infant alone for the first time, you guys waved and went to bed. And I got to hold my nephew for HOURS during his first night home so y’all could sleep. If I wasn’t already completely smitten with him, I was after watching him snooze in my arms. Where Thomas (my husband) and I were divided and he called me crazy and hormonal and made me want to slit his throat in his sleep, you and Aaron were united. He had your back even when he didn’t completely agree. *cough* pacifier *cough*
Because I’m your typical first born, I like to think that you learned from my mistakes. I like to think that by being by my side during the first week of your niece, your first love’s life, you knew a little more of what to expect. And how to prepare. How to cope and how not to act like a sleepy crabby butthole. But in reality, it’s just who you are. You’re strong and patient and capable. You and Aaron have been a team from the get go, and you didn’t let the stress of being new parents separate you. It was more than admirable.
Now, I’m not writing this to put myself down. Not at all. I was a first time mom, I was young and I was terrified. Eventually I figured it all out, learned my new normal and I became myself again.
I’m writing this because I just needed to share how proud I am of you and Aaron. SO PROUD. And I can’t wait to watch the two of you keep slaying this parenting thing. And I’m writing this so that everytime you start to feel like you’re losing your cool, or like you want to strangle your husband, you can read this. You can read it and know that I’m on your side, and I think you’re doing great. Also, thank you for paying up on your birth debt and giving me the worlds cutest baby as a nephew. I love you guys ❤️