This past week my co worker and I got to talking about life before we met our significant others. She told me she was lonely before she met her husband. I told her I was awesome before I met mine. (Granted I had horrible taste in guys)
None the less. I was a very happy content person BEFORE I met my husband. I loved my own company, I enjoyed hanging out with me. And I’ve come to realize that’s not only the best gift you can give yourself, it’s the best gift you can give to your future partner. When the person you’re with is constantly looking to you to make them happy, it’s exhausting. And it’s a strain on your relationship. Trust me. I lived it.
Here come a shit ton of cliches; You have to learn to love you, before you can learn to love someone else. You have to make yourself happy, not depend on anyone else to do it. And last but not least, you have to know you can do it. You have to know that you can be independent and self sufficient. God forbid something were to happen to my marriage, like you know, if it broke or ended. (I was going to use an example here about my husband dying, but it freaked me out too much) I would be heart broken, devastated. But I know I’d survive. Because I was okay before I met him. I learned to survive before him. I don’t depend on him to make my world go round. I can crank that bad boy myself.
I lived alone, I paid my own bills, I killed my own spiders, I checked out the strange noises and fix my leaky faucet. I became a grown up all on my own. And I had a fucking blast doing it too.
I danced on my furniture in my underwear, for no other reason than I felt like it. And I’m a good dancer y’all.
I did more than just drinking and dancing, although that took up the majority of my twenties. But you get the point I’m trying to make here, right? Stop looking for others to validate you, to save you, to make you feel good about yourself. Look to yourself. Because I promise you, the power is in you.
Become who you are, be solid in who you are. And then look for love. If you don’t like you, why would you expect anyone else to? In my experience, guys don’t typically like needy. I don’t like needy, and I’m a chick.
And just so you know, I still have a good time when I’m alone. Not that it happens all that often…But when it does, I dance. I laugh, I enjoy the time to myself. I savor it to be honest. Sometimes, I think back on when it was just me, and smile. I beam.